Recently I learned that I've been peeling bananas from the wrong end. For too many years now, I've been wrestling with the stem end of bananas, slicing, ripping, biting and generally mauling my hapless bananas open. No doubt, for you banana aficionados out there, these loutish attempts are likely akin to watching your brothers’ latest date slurp happily from her finger bowl at a family dinner; ridiculously funny in the retelling, but somewhat embarrassing in the moment.
As it turns out, bananas are damn easy to peel, just ask a monkey. All it takes is a little pinch at the opposite end from the stem and voilà ... you’ve split your peel revealing the banana’s delectable pasty white flesh to your hungry gaze. Now some of you, especially those who are in the know, may be thinking ... this man is an idiot. Harsh words ..., though understandable, if you are one of those people who routinely confuse knowledge and intellect. I simply did not know what every two month old monkey does. Apparently this little banana fact had been kept from me, perhaps purposefully by some shady government entity. After all, no one specifically imparted this knowledge to me; rather I stumbled upon it quite by accident. My friends, if you can call them that in the light of this discovery, never told me. No teacher paid by the state has ever revealed this truth, and my family has been virtually mum on the subject.
Yes, it’s clear to me now that this little edible fact was purposefully kept from my menu. God knows what could have happened differently in my life, if only I had known how to properly peel a banana. How many times has some promotion or opportunity been lost, when some snobbish bastard noted my clumsy banana handling and dropped me from the short list? I can almost hear him exclaiming to his cronies, “MK ... are you mad? We can’t send him to London; the man can’t even peel a banana!”
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