Living with Baba

When I tell people that I live with my sweetie, her two teenage daughters and Baba, I get a real range of reactions ... my personal favourite is the head tilt with furrowing brow and questioning eyes (the puzzled dog look). A look that usually emanates from other munga-cakes like me who have no idea what "Baba" means ... when I say grandma aka mother-in-law ... their less than gracious expressions only deepen. It seems for many the idea of sharing close quarters with your significant other's mother is, well, not ideal. “Isn’t that a little difficult"? Some hazard to suggest, to which I usually counter, "Which part? Living with Baba or being the only one who stands to pee?"

Truth is, you’re actually not encouraged to stand and pee when you live with four women, apparently checking to see if the toilet seat is down is not a reflexive behaviour for women. There are a number of other challenges but that is truly the stuff for a separate post . . . back to Baba.

Baba, at least this Baba, is a pretty cool lady. The woman is a Trojan; she can do more in a day than I can do in a week and she’s eighty! She has lived a full and good life by her own account, and has every intention of continuing to do so. She’s truly a hyphenated Canadian, happily living in her two worlds, one of tradition and expectations (the ethnic factor) and the other fast paced and ever changing (the new age). Baba seems to have struck a workable balance between these two places. Roger Martin, the educator and innovation writer would describe her as practicing integrative thinking; the ability to constructively face the tensions of opposing models. Of course if I told Baba that, she would smile at me, shake her head knowingly and ask me if I was hungry. Such hypothesising and categorizing is mildly interesting to Baba but the obituaries get first read at our house. Not because Baba is morbid, but because she wants to be sure she doesn't miss anyone, that she gets an opportunity to pay respects to those she has known and to tell their stories. For Baba, their world has infinitely more meaning and interest to her than some academic musing (no offense Roger).

As you may be able to imagine the most important world for Baba is the world of family. To her family is everything, it is the beginning and the end, it is the omega purpose. She is steadfast in this, both in word and action. Baba continues, despite her years, to be an active participant in her life and the life of her family. She is at the center of every family get together, every family meal, she is there to listen to all, provide an opinion if you want it - sometimes even if you don’t - hold a hand, brush away a tear, hug a kid, be a mom and be a friend.

The Force is strong in Baba.

Probably the most important thing I’ve learned from Baba is the value of the extended family. In my old world, moms and dads didn’t usually live with their grown kids. Now I know that historically they often did, I even knew a few people who had grandparents living with them when I was younger. But I could never imagine what that might be like ... it certainly wasn’t something that was going to happen in my world.

But it did, and now I feel a little sorry for all those people with the puzzled dog look ...